• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
• Never lick a steak knife.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggest you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.